Hey guys! It’s the holiday season, I hope you’re enjoying it! I have a blog post that I wrote on October 16th! I know it’s December 26, but to create momentum in 2023, I’ve decided to start NOW! and also give you fresh new content within the new year of 2023 and not have these sitting in my history! Hope you enjoy it! I enjoy writing this one! See ya at the next one!
Rewinding to October 16th, sitting at a Starbucks to write this!
Hey guys! I can’t believe it’s already October. Wow, the year went by so quickly. I’m just concerned about how fast the year went by. I feel like I haven’t been able to process the year. Wow. Insane. That’s scary. Although it’s scary, Im loving the fall vibes. I feel like summer is my favorite season, but I love the energy fall brings because it’s Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the holidays coming through, and it’s time for Ashley to hibernate. If you know, you know. I go bye-bye for January. I won’t hibernate from writing and the blog, just from the streets. LOL. Anywho, I am sitting at a Starbucks, sitting. And I thought this was Carrie Bradshaw vibes, except I brought my coffee LOL. I have about two hours extra, and Im in the mood to write, BUT it’s so cold ugh! The thing is, it’s cold OUTSIDE, and it’s cold inside. Make it make sense, please. I love being anywhere that’s room temperature, not too hot but not cold at all. I don’t like the cold at all, and I feel so uncomfortable to even typing cause my fingers feel like popsicles. Anywho. So the topic for this blog post is crying is good for the soul. SOO GOOD. I remember having a conversation with someone that express I think their feelings and I think crying, and im like, SIS! Crying is good for the soul. Crying is therapeutic. I remember when I was a child and crying was a crime, a weakness, and a need to be kept hidden. I thought the same because no one would cry around me; if they did, they were seen as dramatic. As an adult, I understand when someone cries because it happens to me, Im called the queen of theatrics, according to some, lol. ANYWHO. I remember being a child bottling things and brushing them off because I shouldn’t make a big deal until they accumulate, and I end up crying because of something SMALL. Still, I ended up crying because it was accumulated from all the things that bothered me. I wish my feelings were validated as a kid because it would’ve helped me so much as an adult. Now Im an adult telling myself for reassurance, “my feelings are okay, validate and ill be okay,” as if I am five years old. Im healing my childhood trauma as I go. Back to crying!
What a long day, I did not get to finish my brain thoughts into finishing this blog post because today was cold. I was writing at 8:30 am feeling the Carrie Bradshaw or every new yorker writer’s dream writing in a coffee shop, letting the juices flow. Anywho it’s 12:37am, and im back to finish this, LOL. What was I saying? Wait! The crying. I barely saw anyone around me cry. Crying was always an outlet for me to feel emotions. I cried when Im nervous. I cry when I am happy, I cry when I am upset. Crying has allowed me to express my emotions, and although I felt weak, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am a strong human being because I’ve allowed myself to feel my emotions at the moment, even if it meant crying. I usually cry to let myself cool down a few times. I usually don’t have someone to sit there and cry to because we all have issues, and sometimes not everyone wants to hear you cry about the same thing multiple times. I felt like crying was my release and my feel-good moment. Crying was and still is my expression. (just as much as writing). It was a personal thing that I didn’t allow myself to feel because crying isn’t normalized in society. You cant sit here and say it is because even a crying baby, we try to make it stop. I grew up with a “strong mom who didn’t know how to express her feelings because moms have it all together” I saw my mom cry probably like 5 times in life that I sit there and can remember. Ask me how many times someone has seen me cry? PLENTY. I felt embarrassed I felt vulnerable. Vulnerability isn’t something to be shared in society because everyone is like, f*ck love, get money, or the hoe life all because someone hurt them. I get it, and I am here to apologize to whoever hurt you, but you are suffering more than the person you are hurting over because the person that hurt you doesn’t care that they hurt you. Their narrative is different. You must allow yourself to feel the tears that want to come out and not feel any different because you cannot suppress your feelings.
Back to the 21st century of December 26,2022 at 8:27:32pm
I knew this was a sign to post because I had a crying session with my Girl SZA. It felt really good. I didn’t know I had that emotion bottled up. It helps me feel understood and seen because im crying for myself. Music is another outlet too. Then, I remembered my blog post to post today and the rest of the week to start the new year with fresh content; this one was the first one that popped up. LIKE WOW. like it was meant to be! AH!! so don’t repress your feelings for the sake of others! Don’t let society make you seem more of a person because you don’t cry or less of a person because you cry for everything. After crying, you feel a feeling of relief that feels so good. Because of that feeling, i allow myself to feel good about expressing myself by crying because I just needed a moment to feel my feelings. Crying is letting it go and the expectation you had as well. you’re letting go of the pain that crying has allowed you to detach. And it’s okay to cry for different things, the good, the ugly, the stress, the breakup, the trauma, the pain, and the happiness. crying is a connection to the inner soul to feel humanity.
If you ever had to cry quietly so someone wouldn’t wake up while they sleeping or even hold your hand over your mouth, lock yourself in the bathroom to cry, had to hold yourself, or even cry in a full room of people without anyone realizing it, Im so sorry you had to do that, your tears are valid <3.
When was the last time you cried, and What was it about? Take some time and think about it!
Thank you for reading, being with me, and supporting me! I appreciate your allowing me to create a space of vulnerability for myself and others! Writing is just as much my outlet. Just as much is crying!
XOXO, Ashley Merlanie