Imposter Syndrome With My Blog!

I hope you guys are all well and haven’t forgotten about me, lol. 

I welcome myself back into the blogging world. It’s been eight months since you guys have heard from me. To be honest, I didn’t think I would come back to blogging. I thought I would leave this, just like the rest of the ideas I’ve never created or just stopped doing… to the dust, to the grave. I loved the idea of writing! Especially the flow of ideas and the cultivation of the stories that come together… but necessarily did not execute it. I thought of many blog post ideas to write about and many creative ways for my blog life to pop the way you guys would enjoy to see, learn and experience as you are on my website. It’s something I thought of as an outlet to feel during that hiatus of mine.There wasn’t a day that I did not stop thinking of writing and this community we created together.  At first, my main excuse was personal issues that one day I’ll be able to speak about and I’ll be able to share my full story.. my real story.. about my life, about school, and most importantly insecurity of my writing. I love to write and all things writing. I also love to take notes; creating to do lists. In many ways writing is like manifesting the future while being in the present. Like a spell. However, little do you know I am very insecure about my grammar. I say this because; grammar and punctuation allows the reader to read smoothly. So since I am insecure about this, I developed imposter syndrome; instead of creating and navigating ways to improve without having to stop writing. I could have taken a writing course that specializes in grammar so that I can improve. So to help me, I have an editor, which I love to have as an accountability partner. Shoutout to her! But I also experienced writer’s block earlier this year. I had many ideas on what to write about but I felt like I was being repetitive about a few things and I didnt want to write about the same thing over and over again, lol. I felt that my flow of writing wasn’t the same after a while because all the ideas were sort of the same. Different seasons and holidays made it difficult for me to create content. For example, in January we were in the holiday season and the new year, new me, new stuff type of vibe which made it hard for me to write something creative based on that time. The 365 stuff and new goals people talk about idea comes around and wanted to look different from the rest of the crowd.  Another example is Valentine’s Day in the month of February; I didn’t know how to connect love in different ways. I can write it once lol but four five times? My brain cells were going to explode producing and creating content all year long, especially new years. I feel like shouting at the people who have found their rhythm in WRITING lol and can still produce content 10 different ways. Kudos to them, lol . I’ll soon be there next to you once I master the ideas of writing without pressure but still pressure with a deadline. My fault, sorry for going into a different convo right in the middle of our primary topic, lol.  

Another factor that was hindering me was school! I was taking five classes, attending an internship, and attending journalism events. This was important because it gave me the opportunity to learn better with my news anchor/journalist career! I was also taking acting classes as well and on top of it all; LIFE was still happening ….And let’s not forget to mention the sprinkles on top of depression lol. Yeah, I have been a busy bee this past semester. Although I had all of this going on, I still made time for social media, scrolling all day long any time I had free time, I made time for loved ones, I made time to complain, I made time for everything except for what truly made me happy; all because of insecurities that had me stuck in imposter syndrome. At first the break was good but I truly miss being here and just writing and interacting with my blog people. Just to think that I did not want to come back because of the judgments of my grammar… However this is the definition of Imposter syndrome, not even the definition, PRIME EXAMPLE lol. In case you were wondering, imposter syndrome is defined as the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills. Though you should note that there are different types of imposter syndrome. 

Now I come to think of it… all I needed was to get out of my head of perfectionism, overthinking and just execute!  Instead of wishing I had this or that. I should just create the image that’s in my head and make it my reality. Everything is a mindset. 

I cant believe that I have allowed this to happen to me because my grammar is in its growing stages. Life situations happen but I was scrolling on tik tok for hours.. I’m more focused on just writing, getting resources to equip my writing and go with the flow of writing and try my very best to not be perfect. You live everyday and everyday isn’t perfect. So what’s the hold up on creating the life you want because everything isn’t perfect. You create your PERFECT. You create it because you are the creator. I am learning as I go and will become better and better everyday. My idea, goal is to be happy with actually building consistent in my blog just as much with my youtube. That’s a whole nother. I haven’t vlogged in two years to be exact, crazy right? Well i’ll catch ya in another post. See you soon, it was great to sit down and talk to you guys!