Hey guys, so you remember when I said we have to heal the past trauma? Well I first like to acknowledge that by being aware of my actions, I have learned that I was dealing with my unhealed truama. Yeah, I just thought about what a person can do or does to be emotionally mature in order to become the best version of themselves. Remember healing has its own timing and the word is boundaries. Boundaries allow you to keep your fence and it doesn’t mean that you are the mean angry neighbor; like from boys meets world. It’s just a fence you have to learn to go around and adjust to living with. With the fence you can create a door that allows you to accept and deny what you are tolerating for the sake of your state of mind. The way you treat this door is the way others TREAT, RESPECT AND VALUE YOU as a person.
When I was a child, a very young child at that, I remember not liking moms that wouldn’t let me carry their babies and because of this, I would go to my mom and ask her “why wont they let me carry their baby? Is there something wrong with me?”
I feel like there was a personal problem with the mom of the baby. Especially if I saw the mom throughout the whole pregnancy and any mom that would let me carry their child, I would consider them to be a cool mom. Now as an adult, I realized that these moms had a boundary to protect their children and I respect that.
I have a cousin that is like a sister to me. She is overprotective with her child and let me tell you; my family doesn’t like it at all. In fact they roll their eyes at her bothered by her wall of protection.
She may be picky and annoying but she’s doing what is best for her child. I always tell them if you think she’s bad don’t be around me and mine cause I’ll definitely be worse and I will be mean about it without any remorse and make it a personal issue as to why I am picky with my children’s life and those around my children. The first time I came across someone who had boundaries and I mean strict boundary, was when I met someone who did not like the word B*tch being said to her even as a friend and I had a bad habit of saying the word when I see my homegirls or when I have something really interesting to say like some good tea. I was surprise that this was a boundary for them thinking the word would be common in their vocabulary. However since this person was a very energetic and exciting person the word would slip out more than ever because I felt really comfortable but I had to learn to respect their boundary as a human and even if they told me the reason behind it, I had to respect it whether I liked it or not.
Truth be told I did not know what to continue to write when it came to this blog post because I got stuck. I myself have learned I don’t have boundaries because I always wanted to have that perspective to be open and available to those that are in need of my help in whatever way I am willing to help with due to knowing I needed help and I didnt get alot on my own and wanted to be that person and provide my assistance. Also, to not be look or be told a certain way due to implying my boundaries. Guess what? I was scrolling through social media and I found this video of red table talk of seeing Lauren London speaking about how to set boundaries, it was just a snippet of what the video entails about how to set healthy boundaries and boy was it good cause I quickly went to facebook and watched it. I learned so much because I felt bad setting boundaries and I didnt want to feel uncomfortable about doing so. The reason being. Since I didn’t know away for college, I always put the needs of others first before mine to accommodate everyone else because it doesn’t bother me to help. However I did not allow others to respect my boundaries as a college student because I was home and not away. Whenever someone wants to hang out, go to the store or help even with something small I am available. Over the years I felt bad saying no because I got guilt tripped into whatever it was. Now I want to say no and I cant because I’ve accustomed everything to expect I’ll say yes. Because of this is because my boundaries weren’t respected as a child. My feelings would always be hurt as a child And it’s funny because my mom always told her stories of her telling people yes and helping all the time to everyone and their mother yet when my mom needed assistance, it seemed as if everyone went ghost town. So she learned to say no and she says it doesn’t hurt to say no. No isn’t for them it’s for you and your peace because you’re not superhuman.
Boundaries that people set were not allowing outsiders to sit on their bed with the clothes they’ve been wearing because of germs and bacteria and I totally respect that. Another boundary that I did not know about and I feel very guilty about doing it to people was not accepting people having different tastes like not liking seafood which I understand if you’re allergic but to be able to enjoy just as much as I do I would quickly roll my eyes, especially when someone says the word “sushi” it sounds nasty. Another example is, pushing someone to do things with me because I was just as excited because why live in a box, right?. As an adult we have to understand when someone doesn’t want to do something that they don’t want to do or like, or are interested in.There are things that I dont like or have little interest in and it is okay if I dont do them and nobody has to force me to do them.
In case you are wondering, don’t like cow meat, I don’t like scary attraction rides, I don’t like halloween nor the themes or any scent it brings, even though I like the idea of giving candy and seeing the non scary costumes. I don’t like leaving my household after a certain time due to safety etc etc etc
I’ve learned so much about that podcast of red table talk with the topic that was provided, it was very insightful for society to learn about how to set boundaries. I learn so much about boundaries. Boundaries is not only needed with romantic relationships, its also needed in parenthood, work, friends and our material items . Boundaries are consented and respected. With that being said, your boundaries deserve to be respected. With that being said, I will catch you guys on the next blog post, until next time. Thank you for your support, I appreciate it so much . XOXO and peace out people.
Ashley Merlanie 